What was wrong with the Oscars - a few key bullet points:

Besides being the least entertaining telecast OF ALL TIME, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is a delusional faded actress from another time period still pleading for her close up Mr. Demille.

That said, Gil Cates needs to be voted off the island. Every year, within weeks leading up to The Big Night, producer Cates makes the rounds spreading the false word that, this year's awards will be different, will be lively, and most of all will entertain. Like our own president, Cates has proven himself an insurgent of truth.

Jessica Alba. As a presenter. Come on, the Oscars are supposed to be a classy joint.

Showing movie montages with clips of movies that were made before 1950. 99.9% of the viewing audience has neither heard of or seen a movie made before 1950 unless it is Gone With the Wind. You don't see the Grammys reminiscing about the days when The Hookilau swept the nation. No, the Grammys keep it fresh. Late 20th Century is as far back as they will go to be self congratlatory as an industry. Point being, let it go Oscars. It's done, it was great, move on.

Crash wins for best picture. One Noodle loses all faith in The Academy. Crash is an unrealistic and ugly film with a message that is ever so subtley pounded into your face for a good 113 minutes. Awful. That movie is AWFUL. LA is a melting pot of cultural diversity, not an ignorant racist small town as Crash leaves one to believe.

That's pretty much it. Bahh.